I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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