forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
