When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
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How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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