White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
