yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
