TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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