'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
