I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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