she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Panties = found
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize