Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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