I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
last night I used snow as a chaser
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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