you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
