Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
