a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
