NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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