I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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