Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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