when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
