Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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