You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
