what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
