You tried to poop in the sink last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My dick has a subreddit
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
