I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
