I should be sponsored by Trojan
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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