Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize