You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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