this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
