sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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