I must be too annoying 4 u.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
