Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
