we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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