my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
