I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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