could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
