Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
