i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I need to align my fucking chakras
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
