Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize