They should really pass out barf bags in church
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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