I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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