I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
