im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
