Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
