Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
