All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
