i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
