I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
