Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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