I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
