Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
