does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
