I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
