She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
