its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize