i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
