i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
