your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
