no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
