I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i've created a new STD.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
