My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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