WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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